Caroline's+Responses

I think that we were supposed to do three responses, so I chose Inspiration at Allstate, The Quarries, and My First Special Olympics.

Inspiration at Allstate- I enjoyed hearing about your passion for the violin. You developed your story well, paralleling the development of your love for the violin with your changing opinion of what music should be. If anything, I'd say try to make this parallel even clearer, it would be a great focus and driving force for the story. It would be good if you could "show" more the competition between people at Allstate before the director came in, like what pieces did they play, how did they physically move around each other, what did people say to each other. Did people come together once they all started playing together, or did the competition continue? It's mostly just adding more detail and maybe a little organization. Overall, a really great look at part of your world.

The Quarries- The best part of this story is your representation of characters. Through reading this short little snippet of your life, we learned a lot about you and how your group works. If I had to say something, I think you need a little more introspection. For example, right before you jump off the cliff, what exactly did you feel? Were you completely scared out of your mind, or were you excited, were you feeling pressured to jump in after Katherine and Andrea did? In the end, what drove you to finally jump off? If you add thoughts like this, you will add even more personal insight into what is already a really entertaining story.

My First Special Olympics- The thing that drew me into the story was that you really learned something from your experience. It is really hard for a lot of people to realize and admit that they had the wrong impression about people, and that maybe the reality is a little different from what they thought. You conveyed your new found understanding of the kids competing very well. If you are going to add to this, I think that you should talk more about the similarities between you and the competitors. I feel like your main theme is going from misunderstanding these people, to identifying with them. So expand on the differences and similarities between you and them. I also like how you talked about the differences in how their competitive spirit translated to outside of the games. Good contrast. Your discoveries in this story are captivating, and made it very interesting to read.