Erin's+responses

I really like how you based your essay on that one quote that your conductor told you and how it changed your entire perspective on violin, while contrasting the people in your orchestra with the people at Allstate. I also like your contrast between a stereotypical violinist and what you defined a violinist as after Allstate. Also, the balance (length-wise) between before Allstate and during/after Allstate was good. I liked your metaphors about the musicians being actors :).
 * Emily A**

I like how you immediately point out the contrasting yet amalgamated aspects of Cairo. However, you drift away from this after the first two paragraphs and start to talk about your favorite parts of Egypt, and then mention contrasts again in the last paragraph (camels); so try to be more clear about what the main point of your essay is (especially since your title is //The Warmth of Egypt//). Your essay was very well-written and creates very clear images of the streets of Egypt. You're awesome.
 * Caroline**

I like the humor and the flow of your essay; you never dwelt on one part of your day for too long. I also really liked the contrast between the four foot high rope swing and the cliffs that you jumped off of. You spend a lot of time talking about the anticipation of the jump and then as soon as you do jump, you don't spend a lot of time describing your reaction to it. (I'm not sure if you were trying to focus more on the build-up to it or not though.) You also started to compare and contrast yourself and each of your friends but if you wanted (and had space) you could go into a little more detail about how each of your reactions was a little bit different. Overall, your essay was very well-written.
 * Alex**