Caroline's+Responses+2nd+Round

Emily- La Paloma avenue I like how you develop the feel of the town, but there were a few things I was confused about. For instance, you pointed out the difference between the houses, but I couldn't really picture them because I don't know what the general architecture of the area is. Also, for when you went out to the church, was the whole point of it to see the bats or was there a service or anything else? Basically writer's triangle stuff, make sure your audience has enough information about what you are talking about to be able to connect to the piece. Despite that, I really liked this piece, it reminds of of the summer I spent in Positano, especially the way you described the unity of the town.

Erin- How to Row I love the way you talk, but you really do need to give us some more explanation about the crewbie terms. While it gives the piece a more authentic feel, I have no idea what you are saying at points. Good description about how everyone needs to work together in sync. Overall really nice, but like Emily, you need to bring it closer to your audience.