James'+Responses+(2nd+set)

Emily's La Paloma Ave. - Great description, really good use of words and very fluent movement throughout the paper. I would only recommend organizaing your thoughts a bit more. If you can group certain descriptions or attributes together, the paper would be easier to understand. Why Saratoga is important to you is a key part of this essay.

Erin's Becoming a Teacher - Good ideas, and great stories to tell, evidence is everywhere. But immediately my thought turned to length. You include Girl Scouts, Summerbridge, China, and a World of Difference. Maybe choose the more prominent examples, cut the others, and capitalize on the importance of the one's you keep. Also the lead is good, but doesn't let the reader know the direction in which the essay is heading (the whole teacher thing).

Caroline's Egypt Heat - I love the lead, but am confused between the discord of the first and second sentence. The descriptiveness of the writing is amazing, so rather than quality, I think you shoudl focus on organization a bit more. If the essay is about heat, where is the connection between the women of Cairo, and the visit to the Sphinx? Maybe you change the main theme to how the experiance changed you, or what made it better than the rest of your travels, which may sound a bit more boring to you, but may also end up working for you.